Saturday, July 16, 2016

Girl, we Already Know You're Madonna--you Don't Have to Tell us Again

Poor little Drake, he never saw it coming...
*WARNING: for those offended by profanity, the "B" word will appear in this post, as it is in the title of the song being reviewed.  There will also be some reference to adult content, which was also in the video being discussed.*

"Bitch I'm Madonna."  Worst. Music video. Ever.  At least, that's what I thought until I saw good 'ol Kanye West's video for his new song, "Famous."  *sigh* Nonetheless, it is a terrible music video with little to no taste that seemed an effort to boost Madonna's already ginormous ego...  I mean, the woman feels like she has permission to kiss anyone and everyone she wants, like they're her secret lover or something...  Eeek, how creepy--and honestly cougar--can you get?  This is evidenced by the line in "Bitch, I'm Madonna" that says, "And we'll be kissing anybody that's around us." Wow, now I know what her philosophy is on kissing everyone and their mother.  Thank you Madonna for such infinite wisdom... It is proper to kiss anybody just 'cause you said so. Okay, I get it now... 

Anyways, Pragmus readers, I'm just surprised that my eyes did not bleed while fermenting in such awful content.  So I warn you ahead of time that the video is honestly painful to watch.

After watching the video, these were my impressions: 

Artistic Meaning (If you want to call it that): Throughout the video, Madonna has other people saying that they're her.  I wonder what that means... Perhaps that she wants everyone to be her baby Madonnas?  (Ugh, I just imagined an army of baby Madonnas. :/) Or she thinks she's just like everyone else? Or that she's trying to convince everyone, including herself, that people want to be her more than anything else? I can respect a video that tells people they can be anything, but when you send subliminal messages that you're cool if and only if you are Madonna, I cannot respect where you're coming from. Sure, you're trying to be a badass, but that's all you're succeeding at--trying, really hard I might add, to be a badass.  No girl, just no.  Be a badass by empowering others with your art.  People will love and respect you more that way.


In relation to that, it's not like the video or the song is saying, "Look, media (or other offensive party), stop criticizing me and other artists!" as most songs with titles like "Bitch, I'm Madonna" might tend to have.  Instead, her message was, "Look, everyone!  I can still party, and I'm really still famous--trust me! Now come give grandma a kiss."  Oops, did I just say "grandma?" ;) Moving on: the fact that she had so many celebrities in her video clues me into a potential grasp for current relevancy on Madonna's part.  And it's not that she can't still be cool and famous; she just seems a little desperate.  I noticed some people were saying in other media sources that Madonna has trouble staying famous because she is a woman and older and is therefore shunned by society.  Though, I think this assumption is incorrect because the main reason for her lack of booming fame these days is simply the result of a career that needed to quit while it was ahead... In the 1980s and 90s...  I respect Madonna as an artist, but I think it seems kinda egotistical that she is such an attention seeker and that she wants relevance now--without exuding pure talent.


A subtle detail I noticed in the video was that Madonna wears a hat that says, "Threat." (Like she actually is one.)  But a threat to whom? Other musicians' fame?  Ummmm.... Judging by how she used the fame of others to increase that of her video, I would not say she's really a "Threat" in that sense...  Oh!  But I do know what she meant! What she meant by wearing the hat is, "Watch out people!  Ima kiss you if you're not careful and I'll do so anyway, even if you are!"  No denying it: she is a huge threat when it comes to giving out free kisses to the most random people. :0


Other than that, Niki Minaj was probably the best thing about the video, which does not look good for the overall quality of the work (i.e. if your "featured" artist shows you up, we've got problems, babe).  And let's talk about the fact that Minaj was not physically in the video, but appeared on a television screen. Haha, perhaps they didn't intend it this way, but it seemed like there was a message being sent there, suggesting that Minaj was too good to be in the video.  She undeniably was, so I could see the possibility of that, but I think it was a mixed message more than actual intent to ditch out on a subpar music video.  The only other remotely good thing about the video was the brief appearance of Yonce-Beyon (Beyonce)! Ironically, earlier when I mentioned that Madonna doesn't seem to care about empowering people, I wanted to say, "You know, I wish Madonna were more like Beyonce: a classic badass female with a real desire to empower her fans." Now, she is a cool pop star to look up to today.

No wonder Beyonce said, "I sneezed on the beat
and the beat got sicker" ("Partition"); she improved
this music video just by appearing in it.
Dancing: Was basic and nothing great.  If you want dancing that's actually good, check out basically any of Beyonce's music videos!

Music: The music was nothing to brag about either. Lyrics that Madonna sang were quite meaningless and repetitive, while the music was a standard beat with some weird sound effects here and there.  I thought the parody's comparison between the ending sound and a noisy screwdriver was pretty accurate.  With that, I'd say the annoyance caused by the screwdriver/mad bulldog sound at the end certainly reflects the nature of the rest of the video--it was irritating and you just want it to stop. Minaj's lyrics weren't half bad, but it was not enough to redeem this music video from the music video hall of awfulness.


My Ratings:
Music Video
Dancing: 20/100, Overall Quality: 10/100, Artistic Meaning: 10/100.

The Song
Lyrics: 20/100 (Only because Minaj is a good rapper), Overall Sound: 15.


Oh my... It's a sure sign that your music video (and song, 
for that matter) is crap when a parody is better.

Average Rating:  15/100

Recommendation: If it sounds like you will hate it, see it just to give it another dislike...  If you love it, I don't really see where you're coming from with that, but I respect your opinion and I offer you mine in return. Go ahead and comment to tell me what you think!

Thanks for reading, Pragmus fans!  Keep rocking our socks.

Corey Cherrington
(Pragmus Sigma)
Chief Editor

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